things i think about while powerwashing 137

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In a glass-bound building in Manhattan, a group of somewhat serious adults in their 20s are staring at tiny screens — furiously checking statistics and yardages as a timer counts down. A TV screen displays a summary of the night spent surveying, as two disembodied heads float in and out, their eyes peeking out of the bottom of the square frames.

As certain selections are made, brief interjections pepper the murmur as significant others collude with each other — advice being given amongst comrades who at some point in the next 12 weeks will turn to foes.

My esteemed subscribers, this Thursday, the NFL will return (sorry that sounded like an ad, this is not an ad). With it, the wonderful activity of fantasy football.

Short recap for my esteemed subscribers that are not of the sports-inclined variety: fantasy sports is where groups of people gather into leagues, and after every unit of time, each of these people will eventually face off with each other in a round robin format. They are competing to have more points than the other.

And how do you get more points?

You select a set of players at the beginning of the season (known as drafting), and each week you select a set of them to score points for you. These players, depending on the statistics they record during their weekly/daily bouts of American football and basketball, will earn points that add to your totals (genuinely terrible players can result in negative points). Easy enough, right?

The acronyms get worse from there, as esteemed subscriber Magdalene Lam learned. ADP (average draft placement), R(ookie). To my dismay, esteemed subscriber Matt Jewison and Akshay Pawar consistently stole away players from my SF 49ers (I did end up getting the defence!). The drama grew — I accidentally took players that others coveted (or was it on purpose) and some dark horses were amassing great-looking teams on paper when we weren't noticing.

I'm ready for this year's fantasy. I've had some tough years, but cmon guys. This year is gonna be different. I did some research this year. I know who I picked (I do not know who I picked at tight end this year).

museum of the week

Boston. A city of many things (including one of the basketball teams of all time). I kind of wanted to go to more of the university museums, but instead I got to visit what I think is the best museum in the city: the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston.

I'm kind of tired so I'm going to focus on my one favorite room — that one room that showed galleries!

Something new I learned here: galleries used to be walls of paintings and the best ones (or the ones whose artists/sponsors donated the most) would adorn the walls at eye level, while everyone else's were forced to be scattered through the walls.

Just appreciating the museum on an aesthetic level, I will take one point off for having a staircase up to the main part that is on the second floor (just a matter of personal preference.). The towering green plant-like sculpture in the main room more than makes up for it — in the fading sunlight, the spiky column shone like a pillar of funky light, a strange beacon of warmth. Ok I think I am tired.

anonymous subscriber news

The concept of time is quite interesting! I think they had bells and sundials before but off of what reference were these based off of! It's fine — our eurocentric model of time works!

• anon says: you never include my submissions :( editors note: u will see by the following submissions that i include all submissions
• anon says: i am embracing the plant parenthood life, but only for the plants that are willing to grow. there might be a parenting metaphor in there yet
• anon alleges: [certain person] watches gay porn editors note: and who cares
• anon demands: what do i do if my flatmate watches a ton of gay porn editors note: let em do what they want. and who cares.
• anon ponders: here’s something I don’t know…how did the first person who invented the clock know what time it is? Like what did they set their clock to?

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animal of the week

In the fading twilight over Commencement Bay in Tacoma, WA, esteemed subscriber Fiara Llaguno captures this wonderful photo of a bird. Thank you Fiara!

Beautiful birdo overlooking Commencement Bay in Tacoma, WA

Send me your animal photos at ryan@torrtle.co!