things i think about while powerwashing 116

> Shortcut to anonymous subscriber submission link: https://forms.gle/2MABf8jNr2V8kEY87

My job has recently started encouraging us employees to start using AI more. So there I was, downloading the Warp terminal, Cursor code editor, asking Anthropic's Claude funny questions. And it genuinely has kind of made my work a little easier! But that's not the point. It can make my life easier, right? So why don't I ask it to write a newsletter ... every week?

So I opened up my free ChatGPT and inserted the following prompt:

Here are my past three newsletters — can you write a newsletter in this style about the following: I went to Taylor Swift's house, then went to Lafayette Bakery, Levain Bakery, and Take31?

<INSERT THREE NEWSLETTERS>

I got something ... startlingly similar to how I write.

Now, I am not one to loiter outside celebrity homes, but when in Tribeca with a friend who knows the exact location, curiosity gets the best of you. It's an unassuming building. A place where, theoretically, a normal person could live, except for the small detail that it is NOT a normal person's home but rather Taylor Swift’s. Did she look out the window and see us? Probably not. Did I feel the power of "All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" course through my veins? Absolutely.

After that, I followed up my newfound Taylor Swift-adjacent energy with a bakery crawl. First stop: Lafayette Bakery, where I acquired a supreme. (For those who don’t know, it’s the laminated pastry taking NYC by storm.) It was delicious but also an endeavor—like, I think I used my entire hand strength to tear a bite off. Next, I swung by Levain Bakery. This was a must because sometimes you just need a cookie the size of your fist. Finally, I landed at Take31, a cozy little Korean spot where I consumed enough soju to forget the fact that I walked way too much that day.

NYC, it’s good to be back.

OK! SO WHAT! so WHAT IF I LIKE PARENTHESES. SO WHAT IF I WRITE CONVERSATIONALLY USING PARTICLES SUCH AS 'like'. SO WHAT IF I WRITE FORMULAICALLY. WRITING LIKE IM SOME FIFTH GRADE CHUMP WRITING ABOUT HIS DAY AT THE ZOO.

It also provided some funny anonymous subscriber news. This is a good time to loudly state that I DO NOT USE AI TO GENERATE THEM. That's why we have days where there are none :).

Love is unpredictable. Cookies are reliable. So tell me which one you're dealing with this week: https://forms.gle/2MABf8jNr2V8kEY87

- anonymous subscriber got locked out of their apartment for three hours and had a philosophical crisis about doors
    
- anonymous subscriber made a new friend because they both ordered the wrong drink and decided to swap
    
- anonymous subscriber tried to bake their own Levain-style cookies and ended up with what can only be described as "cookie soup"

I showed these excerpts to some subscribers who thankfully deigned my writing to be "more organic" and "interesting" than the ones generated.

• As a side note, I feel like when comedians say "new york, it's so good to be back" don't have a lot to say and are scrambling. If anyone knows or is a standup comedian, please weigh in on this.

march madness news

March is here. My bracket is somewhat fucked. I really thought St. Johns would go a lot further. Turns out they didn't have it in them. God dammit. At least I didn't choose them to win it all!

Out of all the sporting events in the year — March Madness is the one that really grabs peoples attentions. Maybe it's the fact that making a bracket is so easy, or that you don't really need to know anything to win or be successful. There is something about college sports that captivates me and millions of people in the US (I wrote more about that in issue 69!).

Also throwback to the time I went to the NCAA finals (issue 71)!

And yes — although I did send out a notice to create a bracket some people are really busy and did not get the opportunity. NO MATTER. We will create a "second chance" Sweet 16 bracket group. OR you can fill out a bracket on paper and send it to me! I will display it here.

A few short notes from the tournament:

• Purdue has made it shockingly far. Proud of this squad. Cam Heide is probably a great person but I don't like how he spaces the floor.
• Shoutout to esteemed subscriber Caleb Balisacan for calling the McNeese pick. Someone in my work bracket did it too and it was crazy
• I'm currently third in the powerwashing bracket pool! Shoutout to esteemed subscriber Atreya Verma for bringing it up the rear — there might still be a chance for the legendary last place to be stolen away.

anonymous subscriber news

Congrats on the promotion! It's always a scary time. Announce your promotions in this newsletter! BRAG WITH NOTHING HOLDING YOU BACK. GIVE ME YOUR REAL THOUGHTS ON YOUR PROMOTION/GENERAL JOB STATUS.

Submit here: https://forms.gle/2MABf8jNr2V8kEY87

• anonymous subscriber is trying to change their parents political opinions through subliminal messaging in drew gooden youtubes
• anonymous subscriber is visiting bro in nyc
• anon needs tips for moving from California to New York
• anonymous subscriber got promoted two weeks ago and am good friends with > 3 subscribers of this esteemed newspaper yet haven’t told anyone because i truly thought i was gonna be put on pip so i’m still in denial. lol.
• anon subscriber is currently dealing with 3 different types of bug problems and wants to jump out a window
• anon: the wind snapped one of my plants in half and I’m sad, pour one out for rosemary plant #3
• anonymous subscriber obtained new running shoes

animal of the week

I miss the sun. This sea lion submission from esteemed subscriber Fiara Llaguno is certainly not missing it. Look at this sleek, sun-soaked fella. So beautiful. So majestic.

Send me your animal photos at ryan@torrtle.co!