things i think about while powerwashing 48

god damn it my cat hates white guys

My cat, Simba, is notorious for being shy. Typically there are two types of cats — ones who are quite brave and gallant, generous with their time and their emotions and willing to seek out pets from strangers. Then there is the other — greedy, terrible, selfish, demanding.

Simba falls squarely in the latter. When esteemed subscribers Noah Curran and Stephen Davis walked into my home on Thursday (on two separate occasions!), my loyal guardian gave each of them a look, released a prompt hiss, and backed off into a corner of the room under a shelf.

He might not like people, and he might not be that sociable to strangers, but he’s my cat. When there are strangers in my home, he sleeps at the foot of my bed, ready to keep watch (then flee???) in case strangers come barging into my room. He’s my loyal arm warmer and my trusty 6am alarm. Praise Simba, cast down the false gods — Broncos country, let’s ride.

Note: this newsletter will be pre-written since I will be away Friday evening! I will catch you all next week.

reading???

I have been on a reading KICK lately. Here are my latest reads:

• Ran through the Memoirs of Lady Trent — a fantasy-ish novel about a dragon scientist that’s pretty fun and snarky
• Percy Jackson and the Chalice of the Gods — new sequel series to promote the TV show coming out soon but it was a fun read nevertheless
• Killers of the Flower Moon — great book about the Osage Reign of Terror in the early 1900s talking about a series of murders in the Osage Native American due to oil rights in Oklahoma. It’s been adapted to an Apple TV show now and I will be watching that soon!

anonymous subscriber news

GOT SOME GOOD SCANDALOUS ONES IN HERE THIS WEEK. REMEMBER TO KEEP SUBMITTING THEM AT THIS LINK: https://forms.gle/TuyuYd3YbgHjPKUDA

• got the military to fund my $300k grant to buy big robots
• anonymous subscriber is dealing with a cockroach infestation 🤮🤮🤮🤮
• anonymous subscriber started cutting calories to get shredded
• anonymous subscriber started flirting with a COWORKER located in ANOTHER STATE
• anonymous subscriber gave my plants a haircut today
• anonymous subscriber am reading Piranesi by Susanna Clarke
• anonymous subscriber is going for an MDX over a CR-V because they want pleather seats and am willing to pay 4k for it
• anonymous subscriber is now reading Harlem Shuffle by Colson Whitehead
• anonymous subscriber learned that they have disappointed dad energy and that makes them disappointed
• anonymous subscriber got 2 hours of sleep last night
• anonymous subscriber is on their health journey and just made chia seed pudding and um went running today and worked out every day this week and is going to go see the taylor swift movie tomorrow

animal of the week

This is probably a white-tailed deer! I wrote an article about them when I was still a student journalist, talking about how they became a pest and started causing traffic accidents in Indiana. A quick look at Ohio hunting laws says you can hunt up to six deer statewide which can probably feed you for at least a couple of winters. Fun facts about deer!